Finally, I have something in common with Onse
Charlize other than being born in the same
country. We’re both ghosters. I’m not proud of
this fact, but I reckon any way to publicly align
myself with this Hollywood superstar is a step
closer to being her bestie. Fake it ‘til you make
it, I always say.
Except when it comes to real relationships.
Then don’t fake it. Rather run away.
For those of you who don’t know, ghosting
refers to that thing people do when they don’t
want to hang out with you anymore but don’t
tell you that.
Instead, they just disappear, go silent. They
don’t answer your calls or your emails. You’re
left having to assume the relationships is over
simply because the person you were in a
relationship with is suddenly MIA. Gone.
Ghosted. *poof*
Sources have said that this is how Theron let
Penn know the engagement was off.
Look, I’ll be the first to say that ghosting is a
pretty shitty way to break up with someone,
whether that someone is a love interest or a
I have to console myself with the fact that I
never ghosted a serious love affair. But, in truth,
if I collect all the friendships and love randoms
I’ve ghosted on, I don’t really come away
looking like the paradigm of manners.
But sometimes it’s the only way to go.
I can’t speak for Charlize (yet), but I know that
when I’ve ghosted it’s been because the person
I didn’t want to hang out with anymore was
pretty shit to hang out with in the first place.
I didn’t want to deal with more angst and
drama that was likely to come with the ‘I don’t
really want to’ conversation. And if the ‘insider
stories’ about Charlie’s break-up tactics are to
be believed, it’s worth bearing in mind that
Penn doesn’t exactly come with a squeaky
clean image of gentlemanliness.
Remember what happened to Madonna when
she tried to break up with him (Penn) using
words, like an adult?
Apart from reminding me that it’s time to come
clean about the ghosting, this speculation
around the Theron ‘break-up diss’ has me
wondering about different levels of ghosting.
Because there are different levels.
Ghosting on a two-year relationship should
raise way more questions and consternation
than ghosting on a two-week fling.
Ghosting on an abusive relationship is very
different to not returning calls to a three-date
I’m not trying to make excuses here, but
sometimes there’s a point to just cutting and
running. Maybe you’re not feeling safe, or you
want to avoid the drama or you’re just not
interested. Isn’t that ok too?
It’s not like I haven’t enjoyed my fair share of
being ghosted on. I know how crap it feels. You
go on an amazing date or four with Mr Man and
it’s all sunshine and roses. Next thing he
disappears. He’s not answering your calls, your
texts, your emails – and you know the sucker is
alive because social media has confirmed it. It’s
enough to drive you mad.
But as a ghoster myself, I know when to back
away. And to make it easier for myself, I even
have a game for it called the ‘Well, Actually’
You play it with your friend when someone
ghosts on you and instead of dealing with the
humdrum realities of them being a big douche
or ‘just not being into you’ and you feeling
poorly about it, you make up something instead.
Like so:
Your friend: So did you hear from Mr Man?
You: No.
Your friend: Oh no, that’s shit. I’m sorry to
hear that.
You: Well, actually, after he left my house, he
was kidnapped by the Russian mafia who
strung him up by his balls in a basement
somewhere dark and terrible, where he still
hangs today, upside down, crying his body
weight in tears every hour for not seeing me
ever again.
The end.
You can make up any ending that suits you.
You can make it as funny, self-aggrandizing
and mean as you want.
Either way, it’s the most fun you can have with
ghosting and it’s certainly a lot better than the
alternative: Chasing ghosts. Begging. Stalking.
Whining. Wanting answers. (Though, the image
of a bully like Penn simpering after Theron with
this tactic amuses me.)
As someone who’s been on both sides of that
game, there is no answer as to why a ghoster
ghosts that will make you feel better. You might
feel like they’re keeping you hanging, but you’re
the only one waiting for an end that’s already
happened for Ghosty McGhosterson.
In my opinion, it’s better to boil it down to a
sort of emotional cowardice and leave it at that.
Burn the wreaths, throw out the ashes and
move on.
I could say more, but why even bother– *poof*